Something else made me feel beautiful today -- Yoga. Exercise. Simple and energizing. This summer I've had a desire to stay active without pushing myself to fit into a smaller jean size. Yes -- I do find myself fantasizing about having good abs or tight thighs and slender arms every once in a while but I more often have a desire to be active because I want to strengthen my body as well as my will. This is one incredible blessing, folks.Last summer I detoxed myself from exercise. Yeah, I was partially lazy but I also wanted to be okay with that. I needed to be comfortable with who I am without struggling to change myself. It was hard because there were times when I thought, "I wonder how good my body would look if I didn't take three months off from working out." It was hard not to beat myself up over that. But it didn't matter and I needed to know that.
Last semester a few of my friends encouraged me to take some exercise classes with them at the local Y and I fell in love with exercise in a way I never had before. It made me feel strong, it made me feel beautiful and it made me proud of myself. Prior to my healing, exercise made me feel bad about myself. It made me feel weak and like a failure because I didn't have the strength I wanted to have and that I thought I should have. I pushed myself too hard then but now I push myself because I desire to use the strength in my body that the Lord has blessed me with. I want to see what I am capable of, simply because Christ has made me able. I want to strengthen the amazing muscles the Lord has given me just as I want to strengthen my virtues.
As I came to love exercising I was also able to really see my beauty when I exercised. Working out in an exercise class room has encouraged me to continue to workout in front of mirrors. That might seem a little bit odd but I like to see how strong my body is -- not just feel it. I like to see the muscles that I am using and see the life in me. Also, the Lord has healed me and revealed my beauty to me but with my past, exercising can play tricks on my mind. But when I see myself in the mirror I am reminded that I am beautiful and I am strong.
Just as I began working out regularly again, the Holy Spirit enlightened me with a desire to really start actively denying myself. I needed to love people without fear, without selfishness and that meant I needed to deny myself. I needed to seize the day. I needed to deny myself of laziness and all the vices that were in the way of the virtues that the Holy Spirit wanted to help me acquire. I threw this idea into my exercise and took my sister's wise runner advice, "It's a mental game." It is. "If you put your mind to it, you can do it." It's a good cliché. I decided that I needed to deny myself of pain in order to achieve greatness -- in a healthy way. I needed to get over myself and complete my homework, go to daily Mass, do the dishes for my mom when she asks, or finish my workout "with intention." (As Jillian Michael's says. "Don't phone it in! You're almost there! Finish with intention!" Haha!) Today I really felt beautiful, even though I don't have a tight, fit body from excessive exercise and obsessive eating or lack there off. I am beautiful because God made me that way.
This is a gift, my friends. A true gift. The Lord has truly healed my relationship with exercise as He continues to reveal to me my beauty.
If you struggle with exercise do what I did -- Give your body to God. Ask Him to be your strength. Know that He loves you even if you don't do as well as you would have liked. Know that you are beautiful even if you didn't try to exercise today. Focus on how much of a gift it is that you have the ability to run, jump, and stretch. Think about how amazing God is for creating you to be able to grow stronger or become faster. It's pretty incredible if you ask me.
God bless you and may the Lord give you peace and an open heart so He can reveal to you just how beautifully He created you.
Food for Thought: "Every accomplishment starts with a decision to try."
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