I'm not old fashioned, I am a Christian.

A lot of people have been stunned by mine and Jake's decision to save sex for marriage and not live with each other. We're often referred to as an old fashioned couple. I'd like to take the time today to simply offer an explanation for why I have chosen a lifestyle so radical in todays society.

Sex is sacred. Sex was made with a purpose - to bond spouses and to create life. Before marriage ceremonies back in the day, sex was the wedding because the act itself said and still says I am yours forever. That is why the Church recognizes sex as the "marital act" because it is literally part of the sacrament of marriage. The Church actually teaches that the marriage is not finalized until the spouses consummate their marriage. Sex speaks volumes. I am so extremely excited for marriage because I will give myself totally to Jake for the rest of my life. We will become one in marriage and I wait to have sex because sex says we are one but without marriage I'm just giving my body, not all of me like sex says.

My body is the most important thing that I have because it is me. It was created by God and for God out of love. As a woman, as a human being, I was created to be loved and to be found beautiful and good. That doesn't always come naturally in this world because we're all a little messed up (hello fallen nature) so God tries to protect us from evil by giving us commandments. Because being self centered comes so easily to each and everyone of us God asks of us to make sacrifices to protect ourselves from the burdens that sex can cause if done out of context. We don't rush into marriages because we know they take sacrifice, but if sex says I give you all of me forever like marriage, why should we rush into sex?

Sex is something we all desire. We go through puberty and BOOM we have some crazy, strong desires "we've never experienced before." It becomes difficult to say no to those desires. This is natural, this is good. God gave us these desires because he called us to "be fruitful and multiple" and He said, "a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh." How often do people who have sex outside of marriage want to become pregnant? The whole idea of contraceptives is to gain pleasure without responsibility. How often do people consider that the act of sex is making them one flesh with their counterpart? Truly "it takes two to tango" but thats just it - two become ONE. Sex isn't about you it's about the other person receiving you as a gift and giving themselves as a gift to you. Moreover, science proves that sexual intimacy bonds a couple not just in the moment, physically but through their entire being, hormonally. One flesh is not suppose to be torn apart. Divorce and break ups are part of our fallen nature - they're not natural, that is why they hurt. Flesh is not suppose to be broken and torn and messed with - when you have sex you become one flesh, not two people taking pleasure from one another.

I wait for marriage to have sex because before I get married and commit myself to Jake before God, asking God for his aid in our marital union, I am not prepared to become one flesh with Jake. Before God blesses our union my body is God, my father's. My body is a sacred temple of the Holy Spirit that will be a life long gift to Jake, and his to me. At my wedding I will promise - no, I will VOW before God that I will be with Jake for the rest of my life and I will care for him and love him no matter what comes our way. No matter if his cleaning habits drive me bonkers and cause me to be severely annoyed with him. No matter if planning a family vacation or how to raise our kids causes numerous arguments. I will vow to work those things out with Jake and I will trust that God is blessing us and that Jake loves me no matter what bumps in the road we might hit. Living with Jake and having sex with Jake before we're married doesn't ensure that all those issues will be avoided. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and they still strive to love each other more and more every day and can still become frustrated with each other at times. That is because marriage requires sacrifice and we must be willing to deny ourselves for the good and for love of our spouse.

God asks of us not to have sex before marriage and the Church asks us not to co-habitate before marriage because God, as our father, wants to protect our hearts. He wants us to foster a trusting and selfless relationship with each other. He wants us to learn how to sacrifice our deepest and strongest desires for the good of one another. By denying sex until marriage you prepare to make sacrifices for each other because that alone is such a big sacrifice. Jake and I have taken time in our engagement to not be wrapped up in sex and emotions but to discuss how we are going to prioritize our finances as a married couple, how are we going to plan family vacations so we both get what we want, how are we going to spend time with our families, how are we going to treat each other when we get frustrated and annoyed with each other, how we will solve our disagreements with verbal communication, and so on.

I'm not saying that couples who have sex before marriage are unable to have a beautiful, committed, and loving relationship. But God asks of us to save sex for marriage because it is good for us. He created sex to be a part of marriage and we avoid a lot of heart ache and complications in relationships when we do save sex for marriage. Marriage and sex are beautiful and wonderful things that is why they are sacred and meant to be one in the same. God doesn't torture us by saying don't have sex before marriage. He cherishes us and the beauty that we are as individuals and he, as our heavenly father, desires for us to be loved and to love and to experience love in its greatest fashion - that is why he asks for us to be pure.

I have seen dishonesty, disrespect, divorce, and heart break in many more couples who don't save sex for marriage than those who do. I believe that God's commandment's help to avoid such burdens. People aren't perfect and those things can happen even if the couple had all their ducks in a row before marriage and did it all "by the book" but it happens a lot less and I'm taking my chances.

Purity is hard. It is absolutely difficult and I for one struggle with it daily. But I treasure the virtue and I love that Jake treasures my purity as well. His respect of the purity in our relationship is a huge sacrifice he makes for me. His dying to himself, denying his desires to wait for marriage to have sex with me speaks the highest volumes of love and respect to me. I wouldn't give them up for the world - no matter how many times I am told I am naive. Moreover, because purity is difficult to practice, living together would make saving sex for marriage close to impossible, if not impossible.

Believing what I believe and living in this way is not old fashion - God is now. His law is relevant and true. His love and his laws that are made out of his love are timeless and being obedient to them is not "old news" but are a life we are all called to live no matter what you believe. It is a shame to me that God's way has become "old fashion" because we were all created for one purpose - to know, love, and serve God and to be eternally happy with Him in the next. Truth hasn't changed with time. Sex was created with a purpose - to bond a married couple and to bring forth children. Sex still does the same thing - it hasn't changed with time. I'm not old fashion, I cherish sex for what it was created to be. I'm not old fashioned, I am a Christian.

Have Mercy

I am proud to be an American. I love PBR and BBQ and the beauty of the 50 different states. I support our troops and no matter what my political opinions are I have respect for the President. America is free and it is a great and beautiful thing. But what is freedom? A lot of people in this country and frankly around the world believe its satisfying what "I want now". Really? That's freedom? Freedom ranges anywhere from having the "right" to apply for jobs, to drop out of school at 16, defy your parents at 18, drink at 21, have an abortion, get married umpteen times, have a same sex-marriage, and commit suicide or perform euthanasia (not that there is an earthly punishment for suicide). To simply disagree with any of these "rights" or life styles is to be condemning, hateful and not compassionate. To speak out against these topics opens wide the door for persecution on these contrary beliefs.
Suddenly freedom is to do what is comfortable and temporarily satisfactory but to stand up for what I believe in is "inconsiderate" or "hateful". This is why I question freedom in this beautiful country I live in. Has our freedom allowed us to veer off the right path? Has it pacified us into an easy and "compassionate" life style where suffering is suddenly not good for us? How did we get to this free country in the first place? And how have we fought for freedom to reign in this country? Suffering. War. Blood, sweat, and tears my friends. Martin Luther King Jr. gave one of the most incredible speeches in history about freedom and gained for an entire race the opportunity to live in freedom and in rightful respect for their human dignity. What a heroic man. Americans fought for this freedom we experience but have we taken in for granted? Have we fallen asleep in striving for what matters most? Are we honestly loving people in the way we define "compassion" and in the "rights" we demand that we have? If suddenly encouraging our friends and family's to embrace their crosses and run to Christ for strength to endure this temporary life is hateful and not compassionate we're missing something.
Self-centered desires will never ever truly satisfy us and selfishness is not freedom. Selfishness is definitely one of those "politically incorrect" terms. It's as if I called anyone who has ever chosen to live their life in a way I find eternally unsatisfying a foul name or cursed their birth or called them worth less than dirt. In no way do I mean that. Am I selfish? So incredibly selfish. I have been selfish time and time again in ways that have sent me to Confession before I dare receive the Eucharist in reverence to my God. Sin is selfish. Hard to avoid? No, not just hard, sometimes literally impossible to avoid by our own strength. YES. Scary to avoid? Yes. But no matter how difficult our temptations might be - fighting for truth to reign in our life and seeking the mercy of God and his love and strength is always a better path than the alternative. Sometimes we don't realize that until we've fallen and we suddenly experience the brokenness and guilt that wounds our soul after the fact. Sometimes we're scared to believe we've done something wrong or seriously harmful to ourselves because not giving into the temptation was too difficult and we didn't know how to say no or avoid it. Sometimes we don't realize the negative effect it has had on us. But when we avoid truth, our crosses, temptations and weaknesses by failing to trust that what God tells us is true and good for us, we cause ourselves a whole host of more sufferings. BUT - I say this not to condemn but to direct one to the mercy of God and to joy and peace because even though disagreeing with the church and failing to follow God's teachings isnt good for us, God knows it happens but he does still love us he just wants us to receive and experience his love not ignore him and keep failing him.
Listen to the final line from the second reading today: "For God delivered all to disobedience, that he might have mercy upon all." There is suffering in the world for a reason. We aren't given easy lives when we get what we want all the time  f o r   a   r e a s o n. First of all because as much as we think we do, we don't always know what is best for us. We have to trust that God does know what is best for us and that what He teaches is better for us than we know. We were given freedom, a free-will, but more importantly we were given the free love of a merciful Father. God allows us to disobey him because he's not that crazy, controlling, nagging parent who claws us into their control. He lets us be selfish and stupid and hurt him and betray him but he isn't gonna kick you out. He'll sure let you walk out because he's not gonna lock you in. That is freedom. Love is freedom. Freedom is mercy and truth and it goes hand in hand with suffering and sacrifice and humility that maybe you don't know what is best and maybe you have temptations and desires contrary to what God wills for you but that doesn't make them good for you.
I find this line of scripture so powerful for our society today because there is a lot of fear to disagree with peoples lifestyles that contradict Church doctrine. America's definition of compassion and freedom no longer correlates with the love God actually has for us. God's love for us is more than our society lets us believe. Its not wimpy - its powerful and stength-giving and life-changing. God lets us fall and be disobedient to him. He knows life is hard and that we are weak and aren't always going to listen or trust him just like children do to their moms and dads but he is ALWAYS there with open arms and frankly he lets us fall just so we can run to him and know how much he loves us. He allows us to fall and gifts us with the experience of his mercy. The mercy of God is undying, freeing and healing. It sets our souls free from the sin that bogs us down in the face of temptation. God's mercy gives us peace and joy. I know - I've experienced it when I myself doubted it. Each and every human being no matter what his beliefs or cross or lifestyle is loved by God with a deep and powerful love that no other human being can feel or give to him or her. God's love is such a gift and he desires deeply to give each and every person his love and to give them the experience of his mercy time and time again. That is compassion - bringing someone to the mercy and the undying love of God and the truth of the Father's will for them.

Allow yourself to experience the love of God and his mercy that he has for you. Nothing you have done and no way you have disobeyed God can keep you from the mercy he has for you. Run to him to receive the mercy he has for you. Experience the freedom of his truth and love. And don't settle for being that Catholic who is okay with other people's life styles just because society tells you you have to be "accepting." Show everyone the love and mercy of God, treat them with kindness and compassion and lead them to the truth of God which will sets all people free. Be American and fight for freedom - true freedom from the God who we ask to bless our country.
Scripture says is - we've all been allowed to freely choose to disobey God because his mercy is always waiting for us.

Have Mercy on us, my Lord and my God.

Diamond Rings and Other Things

Not that I have many readers (Hi, Mom!) but I would still like to apologize for dropping off the blogosphere for months. Life has been wild and marvelously exciting! I finished my thesis and although I am sure it could use a million and a half edits and revisions (as all these posts could...) I was greatly pleased with the final product and all the knowledge I had gained through the whole endeavor. I would be willing to share it here, however, 30 pages is somewhere near 27 pages over proper blog-etiquette. I felt alive presenting my thesis and proclaiming the truth I had studied for months on end and struggled to formulate into my own words and opinions. It was exhilarating and extremely rewarding and the feedback I received was encouraging. Thesis did suck up all my time between F.O.C.U.S commitments, other class work, work-work, and just soaking up every moment I had left with my dear friends at the Abbey.

Once Thesis (yes, it had become a proper noun in my vocabulary) reached a finish line and miraculously I made it through my final finals week, I hugged millions of friends "good-bye" and journeyed into the adventures of senior week 2014! What-a-blast. AND! That handsome man I occasionally gush about, Jacob Coffman, came for an extended visit (extended: somewhere near 10 days)! During that time, and the rustle and bustle of my graduation, that fabulous man asked me to spend the rest of my life with him and of course I exclaimed, "YES!"
Here's a pic:

Photo credit: Donna Coffman

So you can only imagine the chaos that my life has been, keeping me from this much-to-often-abandoned blog. But its been an extremely joyous time in my life.

Now the glorious rush of graduation and engagement (although is that ever not an excitement??) has calmed down quite drastically and I have been twiddling my thumbs waiting for my humble part time job to begin so I can start saving more than pennies for my wedding loan payments. It's a restless time now that Jake's back in Alaska and I'm waiting for this whole new, graduate, scary, exciting life to begin but it has left me with hours upon hours to reflect on life and the things that matter (and sometimes makes me anxious about the things that don't but we'll skip those...).

Since I've already bored you with the recent deets of my life, rather than begin a whole new topic on recent musings in my head I'll just share with you how my Fiancé! proposed:

Back in February I was blessed with the opportunity to meet up with Jake for his birthday in Seattle, Washington for a weekend. We ended up taking a peek at a few rings having had talked about engagement in our future. Little did I know Jake had told his mom that I was "the one" back in December and had been on the search, or possibly in the process of (I'm not quite sure) finding the perfect ring. After I made my way back to Charlotte and Jake made his way back to Juneau we would occasionally talk about engagement and Jake would tease me about how he would pop the question. One tease he often told me was that he would put the ring in a Cook-Out burger - Gross!! In short, I knew it was coming and expected it would be around graduation since that would be the next time we'd be together.
Jake came to Belmont and spent senior week with me but he did a great job of being calm about his plans for proposing and not hinting at it. One night I did see him sharing his plan with my two best friends but I wanted to be surprised so I made sure my girl friend didn't even mention it and I waited for it all to come to action. I started to wonder when it would be since we were a few short days away from making the drive to Northern Virginia where my family lives and where we had our first date. "Maybe it won't be in Belmont, maybe it'll be at home!" I began to think.
My suspicion changed when I woke up graduation morning and I realized, "Oh! It could happen today!" But I quickly let that thought fly out of my head because I not only wanted to be surprised but I was rather wrapped up in graduation.
I walked across the stage and just like that became a Belmont Abbey alumna and went to meet up with friends by the Belmont Abbey College seal for pictures, as planned by my friend Javier (although Jake had occasionally mentioned over the phone that he wanted to get a picture there as well. Something about never getting one when he graduated...Now I see it clearly!)
After shooing away a band of Scottish bag-pipers my dear best friends, suite mates and I gathered on the seal and smiled toward the wall of paparazzi flashing before us. "Are we the only people who graduated or something," I thought. Then the nervous Jacob Coffman stepped up to get a picture with me as the girls slipped to the side. He then turned to me and said, "Megan, can I talk to you about something?"
Putting my hand to my mouth, realizing this was the very moment I'd been waiting for since I was a little, romanic-dreamer girl was actually happening, I gasped, "No way!" Apparently that threw Jake off but he was able to beautifully express his feelings for me and he got down on one knee and asked me to be his bride, to marry him. Which of course I responded, "Yes!" and fell into his arms for a celebratory hug and kiss.

And now I have a fiancé and a lovely wedding date 319 days away. I am so blessed beyond words. I cannot help but thank God for the journey he has designed for me. He has written a beautiful love story for Jake and I which I'll have to share another time and He has truly given me the desires of my heart. If I would look back in my journals with the lists of what a perfect man for me would be, Jake would fit that description and more. He is kind and generous and such a man of God who lives his life to share God with others and he loves with an incredible strength. What a gift. I truly cannot wait for April 25th and the rest of my life!

And yes, I will live in Alaska come April.

Blessings!

Soulpancake's video "Thats What She Said"

In The Arms of Your Savior

I'm writing today because I cannot help but tell those around me why it is so crucially important that we encounter Christ in Eucharistic adoration on a regular basis. First of all, in country like America we have nearly no excuse to spend sometime per week in front of the Eucharist building our relationship with God, speaking with him and listening, pondering his life and sharing with him our own - these prayers go with and are an extension of  our time in the most beautiful prayer, Mass.
Let me give you a scenario. You've always had loving parents who have given you everything, you've been given rules and guidelines to form you well and teach you how to love yourself and those around you. You're also being wildly pursued by the most incredible man who has totally unconditional love for you and would sacrifice even his life for you but does it all in such a humble and confident way. Or if you're a guy, you have an incredible friend who simply epitomizes what it means to be a man and he's everything you wish you could be and he is the greatest friend you could ever ask for. Sounds like a super great situation right? Imagine this - despite the "happies" and the "crappies" in your life.
Now imagine this. You've never been able to realize how much your parents loved you, and how many sacrifices they've made and make for you. You wouldn't consider you're ungrateful - certainly you do your chores, say "I love you", please them to keep the peace and you don't really do anything terribly. You realize they pay for a lot of your stuff but oh the rules, they're so restricting and you don't understand or frankly want to understand them. We've all been this kid, right? We kind of get stuck in our own situations and forget how wildly loved we are by our parents. We kind of go through the motions loving them, loving them more when we get what we want and its easy. Now the man of our dreams, and the best friend. You never really notice him. You know hes loving and sweet and masculine but hes hardcore and his fun isnt the same as the fun all your friends like to have therefore hes not really cool. In the meantime you fail to recognize how incredible of a friend he is and how much of an adventure your life would be falling madly in love with him.
so who cares? we do this all the time and we know best. even if we dont admit that we still feel it - i'd argue.
we're human - we yearn for love more than anything else. Sometimes we have it so good - we're fed well, we have friends, we have guys or girls lined up out the door who'd love to date us, we have so much fun in our life - that we dont even realize how hungry we are to just be fed love, true, genuine, understanding and unconditional love that will challenges us and help us grow into the person we didnt even know we were capable of being and that will constantly seek to satisfy us more and more.
Our creator loves us like this. Our savor, Jesus Christ, loves us like this. God created us to be wildly and madly loved and he loves us with every breath we take and in between. Every moment, every second and less that we exist our creator is willing us into creation. He wills, he desires, for us to be here. Why? because he created you to have all the fun experiences of life you've had, to be loved by all those who have loved you, to be the talented and smart person you are and because he wants to love you and be with you for eternity.
Then why is life so hard? Because God will never force you to love him.
I know the rules of the Catholic Church can be really hard for us to understand and to follow. I know what its like to make excuses not to follow the rules. But God, like the incredibly loving and generous father that he is, gives us these laws because he wants us to love and be loved in the greatest way possible. He calls us to die to ourselves in the very way he created humanity, male and female. We are literally, physically made to be a total self-gift to another person, procreate another human being to love and care for. We were made to be loved and love others so God's way isnt the easy way - but i guarantee its the best.
So why Adoration? If we dont have that experience with our parents, allowing them to be in a relationship with us, loving and guiding us on our way we can't begin to see the sacrifices they're making for us - its not easy just being told and having love being thrown at you. we have to be there to love back and to receive it. And we cant have a friendship with the greatest friend we could ever have if we dont talk to him on a regular basis. Our closest friends arent the ones we talk to once a week - theyre the ones we go to for everything and that we desire to spend all our time with and learn from. We dont date someone for an hour on sunday - even if we're apart, and i know :), we date them at every moment and we cant wait to see them again.
Im not saying if you dont have the same type of feelings of love you experience in a romantic relationship you're doing something wrong - because a lot of times we dont feel like going to the chapel or Mass and it can be the hardest thing in the entire world to pray. But thats because God gives us the choice to love him and does saturate us with gooshy feelings for him - all the time, those come and they go.
But we must encounter Christ in the Eucharist because he is who we were made for and he has so much love that he wants to pour upon us and so many blessings he wants to unveil for us. He wants to satisfy in your heart that burning desire to be deeply and unconditionally loved and to be understood and guided to peace and joy. He wants you to be known by him and he wants you to know him. Spend time with the Lord in adoration, meditating on his life, speaking with him about your joys and your suffering, asking him to take your burdens, ask the holy spirit to guide you in your confusion.
Know God and be known by Him.
I know the chapel on my campus is where I find the Lord intimately. Its where he speaks to me, when i am patient and i am silent and i set aside my time and my will to be with the one who loves me most. Through regularly going to Eucharistic Adoration I have to admit i learn over and over and over again how much the Lord loves me and how well he knows me and is guiding me and planning by life best. I realize more and more how much i truly need him. Because im human, i constantly think i know best and i constantly am ungrateful; i worry about things that dont matter, despite the family, boyfriend, friends and what not that i have around me who love me unconditionally. Its because i desire Christ's love and i'd go as far to say i woudn't be able to see or receive the love my parents, boyfriend, and friends have for me if i didn't first seek the love of the Lord constantly.
So go to adoration on a regular basis. Find an hour out of your week to simply sit with him for an hour. And dont give up on your relationship with the one who loves you most.
Just a tip - God makes everything possible and multiplies your time if you give him yours ;) its true, you can only know if you try.

Confidence

In Adoration this morning I was contemplating the many gifts God has given me this year and simply how far He's led me. I was recalling the growth in confidence I've experienced since this time last year, and more particularly through summer and my senior year. I've had a fear that my confidence has been dwindling when, as i realized in this holy hour, I've been in fact growing more confident and the Lord has given me many opportunities to grow into myself and closer to him, which has surely been a challenge - hence the fears.

This Sunday's Gospel is Matthew 5:38-48 and its a continuation of the Sermon on the Mount we started last weekend. Matthew's structure for Jesus' precepts certainly hits hard as a Christian since he complies them all in one sermon making them repeatedly hit us one after another. This passage tells us to "Turn the other cheek", love more than the tax collectors and pagans, and to "be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect" - these phrases (and paraphrases) are gargantuan challenges. 

In bible study this week the ladies and I were discussing what this passage means and we all concluded that it is a call to be humble, truly and radically humble. 

With this in mind I considered what it means to be humble and confident; or I would say, truly confident. 

I read this article last week from Christian Today that considered the standards of beauty in the world today and it explained that feminine beauty is used today to "one up" other women in order to succeed socially or in our careers. One way women use their beauty is to compare themselves to other women and attempt to look prettier than them in order to get a leg up in society. Ingrained in our fallen nature we all compare ourselves to others and we all aim to be at the top. I know personally I aim to be perfect, to be the best, but that is not perfection as my heavenly father is perfect. On the contrary Christ is calling us to a perfection which is true humility, not to be better than everyone else but to love everyone else more than ourselves. When I was falling into an anorexic life style my aim was to be THE skinniest, prettiest, and on... and to me that was perfection. There was a hierarchy of beauty in society and i wanted to be at the top like many other women do. We all desire to be desired and to be successful and beauty helps us get the attention that we want be it friends, men, or a job we want but when our confidence is shattered because another woman gets what we want or an imitation of what we want we've got some problems on our hands. We can tell that this perfection is not what God calls us to because if it were so not only would people avoid falling into disorders like anorexia and no longer seek to trump others in their beauty but also Jesus wouldn't preach turn the other cheek. Jesus prefaces "be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect" with first calling us to defy the selfishness society leads us in - to think of ourselves first, get vengeance, love those who are easy to love and therefore the perfection he must be calling us to is ultimately humility. 

As i contemplated my experience with confidence these past couple months I realized that I had ingrained in my mind, whether i realized it or not, that i wasn't perfect enough for people to be drawn to me and to desire to be my friend when in reality my friends tell me all the time how much the love spending time with me and further more i have a boyfriend who absolutely adores me and i knew those as truths. Clearly i was being selfish and not aiming for perfect in imitation of my heavenly father because I know as simply as my ABCs that God loves me and desires for me to be here and to be in relationship with those around me. He also calls me to love others and to be humble and put others first. it helped me realize that i must understand that those around me do love me and those who don't know me at all or well can be drawn to me and i am good enough to be their friends as well because i am beautiful and i am loved and i do love. 

Love and the truth truly do set us free because once i conquered the lie that i wasn't good enough i began to feel so set free. Once i realize the capacity of others to love and be loved i can't help but be confident. When i set my mind straight contemplating the unconditional love that God has for me and the wisdom he has granted me to know myself more and more the closer i grow toward him I realize i am good and i am desired. When i realize how loved i am by my family, friends, and incredible boyfriend i realize yet again that i am good and desired. When i realize that i am called to put myself aside and love my heavenly father and these incredible people around me before myself i realize that because i am good and desired i have the freedom to love and be loved and to be truly confident.We don't have to be perfect in this worlds eyes. We aren't called to be the top to the list, but we are called to be at the bottom - that is where holy perfection lies and where we can be truly and peacefully confident.  

Don't You Know You're Beautiful?

How lovely it is spending time resting in this christmassy atmosphere after arriving home from a busy semester in school. I had a lot of difficulty straying from stress and staying focused on my thesis so with some down time its been nice to rethink just exactly why I want to write my senior thesis on authentic feminine beauty. The topic certainly has a lot of theology in it but it is not strictly academic. The fact is woman don't know they're beautiful and men often don't know women are beautiful either. Well, men know women are beautiful, there is just a temptation to only see aspects of beauty and not humanity. Let me explain - 

Recently I have been more aware of just how destitute the world is of wisdom. I recently read a blog article on MORF, which said a Dove study showed 4% of women considered themselves beautiful. Four! That's four in one hundred women who actually consider themselves beautiful. Moreover I  watched a sex trafficking awareness video making its way through Facebook and was horrified to see a reality I'd already known. Certainly sex trafficking is a grand example of just how objectified and ill treated women are but when statistics show that 20% of men (in the work place) are addicted to pornography, a $57.0 billion worldwide industry, objectifying women becomes a pretty ordinary day-in-day-out norm. Certainly pornography's popularity provides an easier availability to all boys and men (and ladies too) and makes way for minds conditioned with an ill understanding of true beauty and authentic love. 

I'm not going to lie, even with the healing I've experienced the battle is never totally won living in today's society. Beauty today, which is utterly misunderstood, does not encapsulate the entirety of a person, rather beauty is no longer about a beautiful person but about one's assets; the parts of the person. A common question among secular men today is, "are you a butt guy?" Or "are you a boob guy?" Beauty, for women, then becomes about how to be noticed. The importance of a woman's beauty reaches at her innate desire to be loved, adored and pursued and when she yearns with every fiber of her being to be noticed and loved and is overcome with impatience and desire she is tempted to turn towards those men who notice her quickly because of her "beautiful" assets. However, true beauty is not seen unless one looks with the eyes of authentic love and sees the entirety of the person rather than instant gratification - be it attention or sexual arousal. What I mean is is beauty cannot be purely seen or understood when it is exposed in such a way that actually distracts from its totality nor can it be purely seen or understood when beauty registers as sexual gratification rather than 'here is a person worthy of sacrificial love'. 

Humanity is beautiful, men and women alike. Innocent children, for example, are some of the most beautiful creatures we can behold. The love people can give and experience is beautiful too. Life and love are beautiful and they remind our souls where we came from and what we are made for - He who is Love. Women have a special role in being beautiful in a truly feminine sense, whether they deny it or not. A woman's features as well as a woman's heart are a joy to behold especially in the eyes and heart of a man; after all Adam didn't even know what he had coming for him and he exclaimed, "AT LAST!" at the sight of Eve. If we take the disturbing statistics and the harsh realities of our society and place the motives of those men's heart in a place of honor and respect for women, we find that men, like the first man, are in awe of women's beauty. Women therefore have a privilege of being the most alluring and beautiful creatures on earth, so much so that, as seen in my sad and disturbing examples, their beauty can actually lead men to sin if not upheld and respected by both parties. If women were not the crown of creation, in regards to beauty, women would not struggle with a burning desire to have their beauty be noticed and adored and men would not be so effected by feminine beauty.

The solution you ask? We cannot strip feminine beauty away from the dignity of the person. A woman is beautiful; her whole self and she is most especially beautiful when she loves with a genuine heart and holds herself with respect and honor and confidence knowing she is infinitely loved - especially loved by her creator who endowed her with a gift of beauty to be beheld and cherished by those who encounter her. When a man fails to see that, he does himself no justice and he dishonors her. When a woman fails to see that in herself, she unfortunately dishonors herself but also allows men the opportunity of dishonoring her as well.

What a treasure and what a gift it is to be a woman - I feel very honored to have such a role in the human race. To have the ability to reflect the beauty of God and the power to lead humanity, especially men to love and to God. Its a struggle for sure between modesty and simply loving with a pure and selfless heart. Theology of the Body explains that the creation of woman made man know himself through their difference and complimentarity. Woman still have an ability to help a man know himself but she has a duty to help him know himself as created in the image and likeness of his creator called for more than what this world has to offer. She has a great calling to help men not be blinded from authentic love by her beautiful body but to love her as a daughter of the king and to love her as the royalty that she is in order that he may love God in turn. Although the world thwarts, twists and skews the true meaning of authentic feminine beauty, making it nearly impossible for women to see that they are beautiful, no matter what, in some form or fashion God has called them to be his beauty on earth in a unique and powerful way. Open your heart, ladies so that your creator can reveal to you just how beautifully you have been made.