Blessed are We in Our Littleness, For He is Our Strength

This summer I’ve been blessed to be a part of a college fellowship and bible study group where we’ve been focusing on the Beatitudes in Matthew 5. We’ve come to sum up the Beatitudes as, “Blessed are the humble” and lately majority of my spiritual musings have been focusing on just that.

Recently we had a reading from Corinthians in which Saint Paul asked the Lord to relieve him of a great suffering. The Lord explained that in Paul’s weakness the Lord can use him perfectly and therefore Paul accepted his suffering joyfully saying, “When I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10). That reading pretty much changed my life. It made me think about all the times where I feel incapable of succeeding in whatever challenge lies before me. It made me recall how much of a failure I felt by the end of the semester this past spring. I came to a peaceful conclusion: I am so blessed. I am so blessed to be weak and constantly striving to be closer to my God and to see His mighty hand in my life.

I find it hard to explain this concept without sounding content in my weakness to the point of disregarding the importance for perseverance in spiritual growth. It is extremely crucial that we come to terms with our smallness in order to grow. We must be satisfied with how God has created us and acknowledge the gifts He has blessed us with in order to conquer evil in the world and draw closer to Him along with our brothers and sisters. Weakness and courage are not opposites, yet abide together in a virtue. This is how I define “meek,” I suppose. If we are humble and recognize that we are so small and need God’s loving assistance, than we will grow and be strong because He is our strength. If not, well, you’re going to fall...hard.

I’ve found it that when we deny our weaknesses rather than come to terms with them and attempt to be stronger than we are than we burn out. For example if I tell myself that I am strong enough to evangelize to my brother who has fallen away form the church I will most likely fail. If I seek the Lord’s guidance, the Lord will help me to understand that it is not words which my brother needs, but subtle acts of kindness. Also the Lord knows my fears and how hard it is for me to face my brother in conversation of any kind – If I attempted to approach my brother on aspects of religion I would crumble under my weakness and probably do worse for my brother’s salvation than do good. However, there are also times when I have to abandon my fears because God uses my weakness to reach others. 

I find it incredible to witness in my own life how much the Lord uses me for His work and makes me strong. Throughout my testimony I was petrified and didn’t know if I’d ever be able to love myself – But God did it. I didn’t know I would be good at leading God’s daughter’s in their confirmation retreat last spring – But God used my story and my gifts to reach them and it turned out to be a beautiful weekend. And every time I write on this website I just pray that the Lord is using me for His glory and I fear that I am not enough – but every time I get so much affirmation and am blessed with encouraging feedback.

I really look up to Moses. He was terrified to lead God’s people to the promise land and he slipped up sometimes too. He told God that he wasn’t equipped to lead His people but God made Moses perfectly. Perfect enough to lead the people to the promise land. God used Moses despite his speech impediment and his simpleness to bring His law to us and to fulfill His promise to save the people. The Lord uses us in our weaknesses too. We might seem weak, we might be so small and nothing in comparison the greatness of the whole world but we aren’t. We are so valuable and so precious. God can accomplish great things in this world through us and He does.

Allow the Lord to use you. Surrender your weakness to Him and let Him take you on one crazy adventure – I guarantee, when you get to the pearly gates God will await you and say, “Well done my good and faithful servant” and “the kingdom of Heaven shall be yours.”

Jesus, I TRUST in You.

Food for thought: “The ability to remain untouched by evil is not acquired all at once. It is the fruit of a long process of self-conquest and grace that makes us grow in the theological virtues. It is an aspect of spiritual maturity, more a gift from God than the result of our efforts.” – Interior Freedom by Jacques Philippe

More BAC lovin'

Hey y'all. Sorry I've abandoned my blog for so long. I'm stewing up a new post this weekend so keep an eye out ;)

I just wanted to share my good friend, Bridget's, Belmont Abbey story since I recently shared mine. This school is filled with blessed people and I just want to make a shout out to BAC again and to my dear friend. -- Love you B, you're an excellent writer and an excellent friend :) Blessings!

Here is her story: http://belloftheballinbluejeans.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/hear-that-thats-the-sound-of-time-flying-by/comment-page-1/#comment-5


Food for thought: Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Mt 5:6

Fear, Doubt, and Belmont Abbey

Growing up I wasn't the best student. Actually, I don't think I read five books and did more than a handful of math problems from second to seventh grade. I was home schooled and being a stubborn, irish girl, I wouldn't dare use my time at home for anything other than play and relaxation. I never liked a challenge growing up and I gave up on everything unless I was already good at it, or knew how to do it. Seventh grade threw me for a loop when I went to private school and actually had to do my homework and study. Throughout middle and high school I went from completely failing and spending my summers in school to being an A, B student. 


Because education had been such a struggle for me, I didn't consider myself intelligent and I rarely thought about my education after high school. The few ideas that crossed my mind were cosmetology school, which was a life long desire of mine, or interior design. I thought about college a little bit my freshman year but thought, "I have time, no need to think about that now." By my junior year I began to give it a little more thought. I felt that I wasn't good at anything I learned in school, at least not good enough to love it and pursue it for the rest of my life. Actually, what I hadn't realized was that I in fact did have talents and there were parts of school that I did love -- I was just stuck in my childish philosophy that I was incapable of doing things I didn't already know how to do. I guess I hated learning. I came to the conclusion that college wasn't for me and instead I would look into cosmetology school. By January of 2009 I was convinced I wasn't going to college. 


I didn't take SATs, ACTs or any test for that matter, because cosmetology school didn't require scores. I toured Aveda's institute for cosmetology as well as Paul Mitchell's school. I would go to my mom's hair appointments to watch and I often sought advice from a girl who graduated from my high school and went on to Paul Mitchell shortly after. I even began giving my friends, family, and even friends of friends hair cuts for a solid price of $10. By summer, 2009, I made my decision that I would attend Paul Mitchell school in August 2010. I talked to my advisors when my senior year came around and cosmetology school was simply the plan - no if, ands, or buts. 


It was odd watching my friends wait anxiously for their SAT scores, retake the SATs, apply for colleges, and anticipate their future education. Although I was nervous to expand my God given gift with hair, I was excited to "dare to be different" and not go to college. I thought it would give me a good future and that I would always love my job. I even thought it would provide me with an opportunity to evangelize and make women feel beautiful with the beauty God had already given them. (Funny how that desire hasn't ceased) But something tugged at my heart one day and I took a look around the adviser's room. I saw all my classmates making their plans for college and I thought, why not? What is the real reason I'm not going? I thought, maybe I should just apply to see if I get in. Maybe I should have taken SATs. I thought I was missing out on the experience of applying for college and maybe even the college experience. I brought my thoughts to my adviser and she, knowing me well, just looked at me like, "Oh Megan, you never can make up your mind." So I thought, I'm just scared. I was - that's true. But I continued to fiddle with my doubt and one day a friend of mine was sitting next to me in computer class and said, "Hey Megan, why don't you apply to Belmont Abbey just for the heck of it? They E-Mail me all the time saying they don't require SAT scores." Like I said before, I am very stubborn person so of course I responded, "I'm not going to college so it would be silly for me to apply to one. I'm not even going to consider it." 


After the heat of my stubborn reply cooled off I again began pondering my reasons for not applying to college and why I never took the SATs. I found myself extremely curious and I decided to apply to Belmont Abbey, just to see if I would get in to college. I secretly logged on to our family computer and found the free online application for Belmont Abbey College and filled it out. I decided I wouldn't tell anyone of my spontaneous decision except my mom. (I needed help on a question...go figure.) And I sent it off. I had applied to college. It was such a surreal experience for me although it was so normal and expected for all my peers. 


I continued with my studies and planning my future at Paul Mitchell. I sort of left the "Belmont Abbey thing" be until they started bombarding me with E-Mails (something the Abbey is really good at doing). I kept in contact with the Abbey for a few days or weeks until I received an E-Mail concerning my non-existent SAT scores. They notified me that because my GPA was too low I was not exempt from sending them my scores. I replied thankful that they looked at my application but informed them that I had not taken the SATs and actually did not plan on taking them. They simply replied with further questions which I responded to with something along the lines of, "I actually never planned on going to college and decided to apply to the Abbey on a whim. I have been planning to go to cosmetology school, yet I have been doubting that decision. I applied because I felt that the Lord might have a different plan for me and I wanted to keep the doors open to His will." I closed the note with some sort of "thanks, but no thanks" and received a similar response saying, "Okay. Thanks, Megan." That was that. It was my answer - I was going to cosmetology school, not college. 


Well the year continued and I awaited the day I would officially apply for Paul Mitchell (their application process is a lot different from college). Late one Friday night, which happened to be the night before I was going to apply for Paul Mitchell, I hopped on my computer to put some things together for my application. After perusing the Paul Mitchell website I decided to quickly check my E-Mail before going to bed. There it was. The E-mail that would change my life.


I saw in my inbox an E-Mail from Belmont Abbey and I was immediately annoyed. "Why on Earth are they still E-Mailing me? I told them I wasn't interested anymore! They're the one's who won't accept me. Maybe I should just delete it and not even bother reading it." So I checked the box and was about to hit "delete" when I thought, "Fine. I'll just see what they have to say." 


Well what they had to say was that they were happy to congratulate me on my acceptance to Belmont Abbey COLLEGE. 


WHAT. I, Megan Colleen Fitzpatrick got into COLLEGE? What about Paul Mitchell? What? God? What do you want? 


So I ran to my parent's room and woke them up and said, "Belmont Abbey accepted me! I got accepted into college!" My mom sprang up and my dad tiredly rolled over, "You what?!" They were so excited and my mom claims she was filled with peace. The next morning I talked to my parents about it and decided I would just take some time to pray it over. My dad was concerned about finances and I was concerned about what the heck I would major in or if it was even God's intention for me to go. I talked to my friends later that day and although each and everyone of them had been 100% supportive of my decision to attend Paul Mitchell rather than college, they were all ecstatic. My dad concluded that with the help of loans and if I received a scholarship, the Abbey seemed like a pretty good option. My mom said she couldn't help but feel it was the Lord's will for me to go. I thought about it, and prayed about it, asking the Lord, "How did I get in if they said I already couldn't? Is it because this is what you want for me?" And then I realized something. I didn't take the SATs, or apply for colleges, and plan my future around college because I was petrified of failure and rejection. As a matter of fact it was my fear keeping me from God's will and that's why I had to accept the offer to become a Crusader. 

Simply going off of how called I felt to attend Belmont Abbey, I paid my deposit without even seeing the school. I knew close to nothing about it and I was aware of only three people who had attended the school, one of which was transferring out. Actually, when I went to visit I didn't like the school all that much and didn't really feel at home. 


It's a good thing I paid that deposit because the Abbey is totally were I am suppose to be and the Lord made sure my fears nor my visiting experience would keep me away. I love that place. I love college. Believe it or not, I love learning. College has taught me more than what I've studied there and it's an experience I would never trade for anything. I've declared my major in English and I have accepted the fact that in education you don't have to already be good at something in order to love it or pursue it. Also, because of Belmont Abbey I've been blessed with the opportunity to study abroad for an entire semester this coming Fall with Franciscan University as a transient student (which means I am still enrolled at Belmont Abbey - just studying with FUS). College has given me solid friends, opportunities to see my gifts and use them too, and it has made me grow in my faith so much. College is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am so thankful for God to deliberately place me at the Abbey and also for the journey He has led me on since I've been there. 


God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. 




Food for thought: Have faith and God will get you were you need to be. 

"My Hands Are Holding You"

Dear Jesus, Help me.

Amen.

Lately this has been the strongest prayer of my day. By the end of spring semester I yearned for the summer sun and mindless days where my biggest worry would be if I'd be bored or not. I didn't imagine I would be stressed to the point of tears this summer. As a matter of fact I anticipated my new job with my head held high, aware it would be a challenge, yet grateful for it all the more. 

Don't be mistaken - I absolutely love my job this summer. The parents I nanny for are wonderful people and they are always so grateful for my help. Their kids are fun to be around and extremely loving. Occasionally we face tough days but that's because growing up is hard, especially in the early elementary years, but I'm happy to be a part of their life lessons this summer. 

But here I am - Challenged. Challenged to be a loving nanny, to be a faithful daughter and sister, remain a driven student although it is summer vacation, to be a loyal friend, and most importantly to be a devoted daughter of my Heavenly Father. Working forty-five hours per week has seemed to drain me from most of my energy. Accomplishing the things I wanted to this summer seem to be close to impossible and preparing for Austria has barely even crossed my mind. 


I broke down last week when I realized that my summer isn't at all what I imagined it would be. Relaxation, lots of prayer time, preparing for Austria, spending time with family, reading, and writing are some of the things I had in mind and none of them happen often. Thankfully I joined a bible study group this summer which gives me a couple chances during the week to talk about God and talk to God; however, my daily prayer consists of a bit of chitter-chatter with the Lord throughout the day. Rosaries? Not much. Daily mass? It's a rarity. Quiet time to contemplate my God and simply be with Him? I miss it. I miss Jesus. I miss the St. Joseph chapel I could see from my dorm room at the Abbey and I miss 5pm daily Mass. I miss my summer plans. 

There comes a time in the midst of struggle when one realizes the challenge is in fact a blessing. After emotionally falling on my face this past week the Lord picked me up, dusted me off and said, "Look." I opened up my eyes and I saw strength. I saw growth in my virtues, particularly patience, perseverance, courage and even humility. I've been blinded by the stress and I haven't seen much except my weaknesses - my desires to give up, my lack of a solid prayer life, and my inability to get things done at the end of the day. The evil one likes to utilize our human weakness for his malicious intent to take back the world the Savior won for us. Here is what I have to say about that – You aren’t winning me. Because no, this summer isn’t exactly how I planned it. Duh, since when did I ask God for my will to be done? This isn’t my life. This isn’t my summer. It’s a gift from my Father. This summer I am learning weaknesses that I didn’t know I had, I’m experiencing strengths that I have, I am realizing those times that I forget to ask the Lord to be my strength, and again I am remembering how weak I become without the Lord yet how strong I am when I let Him hold me. I know the Lord sees how overwhelmed I am, and how much I desire to give Him more of my heart and my time. I find comfort in knowing He loves it every time I simply acknowledge Him and ask Him for His strength. I rest when He smiles upon me with unending love as He sees me make an extra sacrifice to love Him. I feel like my Father is proud of me when I accept the challenges that I face in my life. I’m not perfect, God knows that, He knows my heart, my mind, my emotions – even when I don’t and that is why I can rest.

My Father has the best intentions for me. (And the award for biggest understatement of the year goes to Megan Fitzpatrick) He has answered so many of my prayers this summer and I know He is preparing me for something bigger. He’s taking care of me now and in the future. I can’t be challenged if I don’t get out of my comfort zone so I must embrace the suffering. I must pick up my cross and carry it. Actually, I’m going to taking Simon’s role and help my Jesus carry that cross on Calvary because my sins are written on that cross yet He carries it. However He invites me to carry it with Him so that I might be stronger. Beautiful mercy.

Thankfully I’ve been able to schedule in some more prayer time and time to exercise. Summer is quickly coming to a close and it’s ending well. So here’s to summer 2012.

Blessed be His name and may His will be done at all times. Jesus Christ, I trust in you.

Food for thought: Jer 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

                             --The title of this post is from "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North