Fear, Doubt, and Belmont Abbey

Growing up I wasn't the best student. Actually, I don't think I read five books and did more than a handful of math problems from second to seventh grade. I was home schooled and being a stubborn, irish girl, I wouldn't dare use my time at home for anything other than play and relaxation. I never liked a challenge growing up and I gave up on everything unless I was already good at it, or knew how to do it. Seventh grade threw me for a loop when I went to private school and actually had to do my homework and study. Throughout middle and high school I went from completely failing and spending my summers in school to being an A, B student. 


Because education had been such a struggle for me, I didn't consider myself intelligent and I rarely thought about my education after high school. The few ideas that crossed my mind were cosmetology school, which was a life long desire of mine, or interior design. I thought about college a little bit my freshman year but thought, "I have time, no need to think about that now." By my junior year I began to give it a little more thought. I felt that I wasn't good at anything I learned in school, at least not good enough to love it and pursue it for the rest of my life. Actually, what I hadn't realized was that I in fact did have talents and there were parts of school that I did love -- I was just stuck in my childish philosophy that I was incapable of doing things I didn't already know how to do. I guess I hated learning. I came to the conclusion that college wasn't for me and instead I would look into cosmetology school. By January of 2009 I was convinced I wasn't going to college. 


I didn't take SATs, ACTs or any test for that matter, because cosmetology school didn't require scores. I toured Aveda's institute for cosmetology as well as Paul Mitchell's school. I would go to my mom's hair appointments to watch and I often sought advice from a girl who graduated from my high school and went on to Paul Mitchell shortly after. I even began giving my friends, family, and even friends of friends hair cuts for a solid price of $10. By summer, 2009, I made my decision that I would attend Paul Mitchell school in August 2010. I talked to my advisors when my senior year came around and cosmetology school was simply the plan - no if, ands, or buts. 


It was odd watching my friends wait anxiously for their SAT scores, retake the SATs, apply for colleges, and anticipate their future education. Although I was nervous to expand my God given gift with hair, I was excited to "dare to be different" and not go to college. I thought it would give me a good future and that I would always love my job. I even thought it would provide me with an opportunity to evangelize and make women feel beautiful with the beauty God had already given them. (Funny how that desire hasn't ceased) But something tugged at my heart one day and I took a look around the adviser's room. I saw all my classmates making their plans for college and I thought, why not? What is the real reason I'm not going? I thought, maybe I should just apply to see if I get in. Maybe I should have taken SATs. I thought I was missing out on the experience of applying for college and maybe even the college experience. I brought my thoughts to my adviser and she, knowing me well, just looked at me like, "Oh Megan, you never can make up your mind." So I thought, I'm just scared. I was - that's true. But I continued to fiddle with my doubt and one day a friend of mine was sitting next to me in computer class and said, "Hey Megan, why don't you apply to Belmont Abbey just for the heck of it? They E-Mail me all the time saying they don't require SAT scores." Like I said before, I am very stubborn person so of course I responded, "I'm not going to college so it would be silly for me to apply to one. I'm not even going to consider it." 


After the heat of my stubborn reply cooled off I again began pondering my reasons for not applying to college and why I never took the SATs. I found myself extremely curious and I decided to apply to Belmont Abbey, just to see if I would get in to college. I secretly logged on to our family computer and found the free online application for Belmont Abbey College and filled it out. I decided I wouldn't tell anyone of my spontaneous decision except my mom. (I needed help on a question...go figure.) And I sent it off. I had applied to college. It was such a surreal experience for me although it was so normal and expected for all my peers. 


I continued with my studies and planning my future at Paul Mitchell. I sort of left the "Belmont Abbey thing" be until they started bombarding me with E-Mails (something the Abbey is really good at doing). I kept in contact with the Abbey for a few days or weeks until I received an E-Mail concerning my non-existent SAT scores. They notified me that because my GPA was too low I was not exempt from sending them my scores. I replied thankful that they looked at my application but informed them that I had not taken the SATs and actually did not plan on taking them. They simply replied with further questions which I responded to with something along the lines of, "I actually never planned on going to college and decided to apply to the Abbey on a whim. I have been planning to go to cosmetology school, yet I have been doubting that decision. I applied because I felt that the Lord might have a different plan for me and I wanted to keep the doors open to His will." I closed the note with some sort of "thanks, but no thanks" and received a similar response saying, "Okay. Thanks, Megan." That was that. It was my answer - I was going to cosmetology school, not college. 


Well the year continued and I awaited the day I would officially apply for Paul Mitchell (their application process is a lot different from college). Late one Friday night, which happened to be the night before I was going to apply for Paul Mitchell, I hopped on my computer to put some things together for my application. After perusing the Paul Mitchell website I decided to quickly check my E-Mail before going to bed. There it was. The E-mail that would change my life.


I saw in my inbox an E-Mail from Belmont Abbey and I was immediately annoyed. "Why on Earth are they still E-Mailing me? I told them I wasn't interested anymore! They're the one's who won't accept me. Maybe I should just delete it and not even bother reading it." So I checked the box and was about to hit "delete" when I thought, "Fine. I'll just see what they have to say." 


Well what they had to say was that they were happy to congratulate me on my acceptance to Belmont Abbey COLLEGE. 


WHAT. I, Megan Colleen Fitzpatrick got into COLLEGE? What about Paul Mitchell? What? God? What do you want? 


So I ran to my parent's room and woke them up and said, "Belmont Abbey accepted me! I got accepted into college!" My mom sprang up and my dad tiredly rolled over, "You what?!" They were so excited and my mom claims she was filled with peace. The next morning I talked to my parents about it and decided I would just take some time to pray it over. My dad was concerned about finances and I was concerned about what the heck I would major in or if it was even God's intention for me to go. I talked to my friends later that day and although each and everyone of them had been 100% supportive of my decision to attend Paul Mitchell rather than college, they were all ecstatic. My dad concluded that with the help of loans and if I received a scholarship, the Abbey seemed like a pretty good option. My mom said she couldn't help but feel it was the Lord's will for me to go. I thought about it, and prayed about it, asking the Lord, "How did I get in if they said I already couldn't? Is it because this is what you want for me?" And then I realized something. I didn't take the SATs, or apply for colleges, and plan my future around college because I was petrified of failure and rejection. As a matter of fact it was my fear keeping me from God's will and that's why I had to accept the offer to become a Crusader. 

Simply going off of how called I felt to attend Belmont Abbey, I paid my deposit without even seeing the school. I knew close to nothing about it and I was aware of only three people who had attended the school, one of which was transferring out. Actually, when I went to visit I didn't like the school all that much and didn't really feel at home. 


It's a good thing I paid that deposit because the Abbey is totally were I am suppose to be and the Lord made sure my fears nor my visiting experience would keep me away. I love that place. I love college. Believe it or not, I love learning. College has taught me more than what I've studied there and it's an experience I would never trade for anything. I've declared my major in English and I have accepted the fact that in education you don't have to already be good at something in order to love it or pursue it. Also, because of Belmont Abbey I've been blessed with the opportunity to study abroad for an entire semester this coming Fall with Franciscan University as a transient student (which means I am still enrolled at Belmont Abbey - just studying with FUS). College has given me solid friends, opportunities to see my gifts and use them too, and it has made me grow in my faith so much. College is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am so thankful for God to deliberately place me at the Abbey and also for the journey He has led me on since I've been there. 


God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. 




Food for thought: Have faith and God will get you were you need to be.