A lot of people have been stunned by mine and Jake's decision to save sex for marriage and not live with each other. We're often referred to as an old fashioned couple. I'd like to take the time today to simply offer an explanation for why I have chosen a lifestyle so radical in todays society.
Sex is sacred. Sex was made with a purpose - to bond spouses and to create life. Before marriage ceremonies back in the day, sex was the wedding because the act itself said and still says I am yours forever. That is why the Church recognizes sex as the "marital act" because it is literally part of the sacrament of marriage. The Church actually teaches that the marriage is not finalized until the spouses consummate their marriage. Sex speaks volumes. I am so extremely excited for marriage because I will give myself totally to Jake for the rest of my life. We will become one in marriage and I wait to have sex because sex says we are one but without marriage I'm just giving my body, not all of me like sex says.
My body is the most important thing that I have because it is me. It was created by God and for God out of love. As a woman, as a human being, I was created to be loved and to be found beautiful and good. That doesn't always come naturally in this world because we're all a little messed up (hello fallen nature) so God tries to protect us from evil by giving us commandments. Because being self centered comes so easily to each and everyone of us God asks of us to make sacrifices to protect ourselves from the burdens that sex can cause if done out of context. We don't rush into marriages because we know they take sacrifice, but if sex says I give you all of me forever like marriage, why should we rush into sex?
Sex is something we all desire. We go through puberty and BOOM we have some crazy, strong desires "we've never experienced before." It becomes difficult to say no to those desires. This is natural, this is good. God gave us these desires because he called us to "be fruitful and multiple" and He said, "a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh." How often do people who have sex outside of marriage want to become pregnant? The whole idea of contraceptives is to gain pleasure without responsibility. How often do people consider that the act of sex is making them one flesh with their counterpart? Truly "it takes two to tango" but thats just it - two become ONE. Sex isn't about you it's about the other person receiving you as a gift and giving themselves as a gift to you. Moreover, science proves that sexual intimacy bonds a couple not just in the moment, physically but through their entire being, hormonally. One flesh is not suppose to be torn apart. Divorce and break ups are part of our fallen nature - they're not natural, that is why they hurt. Flesh is not suppose to be broken and torn and messed with - when you have sex you become one flesh, not two people taking pleasure from one another.
I wait for marriage to have sex because before I get married and commit myself to Jake before God, asking God for his aid in our marital union, I am not prepared to become one flesh with Jake. Before God blesses our union my body is God, my father's. My body is a sacred temple of the Holy Spirit that will be a life long gift to Jake, and his to me. At my wedding I will promise - no, I will VOW before God that I will be with Jake for the rest of my life and I will care for him and love him no matter what comes our way. No matter if his cleaning habits drive me bonkers and cause me to be severely annoyed with him. No matter if planning a family vacation or how to raise our kids causes numerous arguments. I will vow to work those things out with Jake and I will trust that God is blessing us and that Jake loves me no matter what bumps in the road we might hit. Living with Jake and having sex with Jake before we're married doesn't ensure that all those issues will be avoided. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and they still strive to love each other more and more every day and can still become frustrated with each other at times. That is because marriage requires sacrifice and we must be willing to deny ourselves for the good and for love of our spouse.
God asks of us not to have sex before marriage and the Church asks us not to co-habitate before marriage because God, as our father, wants to protect our hearts. He wants us to foster a trusting and selfless relationship with each other. He wants us to learn how to sacrifice our deepest and strongest desires for the good of one another. By denying sex until marriage you prepare to make sacrifices for each other because that alone is such a big sacrifice. Jake and I have taken time in our engagement to not be wrapped up in sex and emotions but to discuss how we are going to prioritize our finances as a married couple, how are we going to plan family vacations so we both get what we want, how are we going to spend time with our families, how are we going to treat each other when we get frustrated and annoyed with each other, how we will solve our disagreements with verbal communication, and so on.
I'm not saying that couples who have sex before marriage are unable to have a beautiful, committed, and loving relationship. But God asks of us to save sex for marriage because it is good for us. He created sex to be a part of marriage and we avoid a lot of heart ache and complications in relationships when we do save sex for marriage. Marriage and sex are beautiful and wonderful things that is why they are sacred and meant to be one in the same. God doesn't torture us by saying don't have sex before marriage. He cherishes us and the beauty that we are as individuals and he, as our heavenly father, desires for us to be loved and to love and to experience love in its greatest fashion - that is why he asks for us to be pure.
I have seen dishonesty, disrespect, divorce, and heart break in many more couples who don't save sex for marriage than those who do. I believe that God's commandment's help to avoid such burdens. People aren't perfect and those things can happen even if the couple had all their ducks in a row before marriage and did it all "by the book" but it happens a lot less and I'm taking my chances.
Purity is hard. It is absolutely difficult and I for one struggle with it daily. But I treasure the virtue and I love that Jake treasures my purity as well. His respect of the purity in our relationship is a huge sacrifice he makes for me. His dying to himself, denying his desires to wait for marriage to have sex with me speaks the highest volumes of love and respect to me. I wouldn't give them up for the world - no matter how many times I am told I am naive. Moreover, because purity is difficult to practice, living together would make saving sex for marriage close to impossible, if not impossible.
Believing what I believe and living in this way is not old fashion - God is now. His law is relevant and true. His love and his laws that are made out of his love are timeless and being obedient to them is not "old news" but are a life we are all called to live no matter what you believe. It is a shame to me that God's way has become "old fashion" because we were all created for one purpose - to know, love, and serve God and to be eternally happy with Him in the next. Truth hasn't changed with time. Sex was created with a purpose - to bond a married couple and to bring forth children. Sex still does the same thing - it hasn't changed with time. I'm not old fashion, I cherish sex for what it was created to be. I'm not old fashioned, I am a Christian.
