"It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish" - Mother Teresa

Yesterday was the 40th March for Life since Roe v. Wade and I braved the cold and snow to march for those who never had the chance. Thursday morning I kicked off the weekend of fighting for life by praying in front of an abortion clinic in Charlotte, North Carolina with a group of students from Belmont Abbey. Before we headed over to the clinic one of the students who helped organize the group gave a little reflection on the monstrosity of abortion to fire us up and encourage us to truly take a stand in this movement. He pointed out that the civil rights movement took twelve years to reverse the laws but it's been forty years of millions of babies being striped of their right to life.
I've been thinking all weekend about why it's been a forty years war and why our fight wasn't over twenty eight years ago. Of course those involved in the civil rights movement were more ambitious in their fight for rights because they were living the injustice, experiencing the laws themselves day in and day out - the hatred, the prejudice, the cruelty and violence. But these babies never have the chance to voice their pain, voice the injustice they experience, or stand up for their right to live. We have to be their voice. We have to stand.
I reflected this weekend on what my stance in the pro-life movement has been my whole life, having been born and raised Catholic and pro-life. I've been to close to half of the life marches ...but with a different point of view. I liked the adventure of going to DC for the day with my friends and family and taking a stroll down Constitution Avenue surrounded by millions of people. I joined in the chants, occasionally prayed a Rosary as I marched, tried to evoke an emotional response to the pictures of what abortion really is. I've prayed in front of numerous abortion clinics and even written and given a pro-life speech in high school. I have a passion for it and I know the truth but I haven't care enough. I had been careless because it's been going on my whole life.
We've all grown careless because abortion has been legal in the United States for forty years. If we want to win this battle we have to stop accepting it as just a injustice that does not effect us. It does effect us. One third of my generation is not here. We have to stand for what we believe, we have to stand for truth, and we have to - we must be a voice for those who can't speak and who suffer from this cruelty and violence.
It's time to fight with the enthusiasm as Martin Luther King, Jr..
We must have courage to stand for TRUTH. The declaration of independence says "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienble Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness." Why did Jefferson use the words "Self-evident"? Because these rights, the right for life, doesn't need to be explained. We don't need science to prove that a baby is a human at the moment of conception - we know. Religion and laws don't define life as precious - we know it is. We are all human, each of us would fight for our lives and the lives of our loved ones because it just makes sense. It is naturally written on our hearts to preserve our lives and we even consider those who take their own lives to be mentally ill and those who lay down their lives for another like soldiers do it courageously so that another can live. So how did it ever become acceptable to kill innocent babies?
In order for this cause to be heard and for this fight to be victorious we all have to stand for life. We can no longer be silent like they are forced to be.

Mother of Our Savior, Pray for us.

Food for thought: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." Jeremiah 1:5

Docile

Pretty Place, South Carolina

This past Fall, while in Austria, my life was joyful, challenging, full of love, but all out of wack. I didn't have a routine which usual happens in the beginning of one's time in a new, exciting place but frankly, I never got into one. This means my spiritual life was changing a lot and lacking a lot of prayer time. I had a routine in as much as I gave glory to God through singing at Mass once a week with my music ministry group and attending Mass at least four days a week and frequently going to Confession but aside from that the chapel didn't see much of me, my rosary often sat untouched, and my journal tended to accumulate more dust than writing. Now this has happened to me before, I take one step forward and two steps back, and I slip into a lacadasical spiritual life. My relationship with God grows weaker and I tend to rely on the things of this world more than Him and so on and so forth. But this time it was different and I couldn't figure out why. I could truly feel the love and presence of God at all times even though I felt as though I was doing nothing for Him. I tried to put structure in my life but weekend travels and studies and every other reason in the book threw me off. I was confused - why wouldn't God let me slip away from Him if I wasnt doing anything for Him? How do I deserve His love? 
I brought my "laziness" to confession and eventually my confusion. The priest advices me to seek what God was asking in my life, how I could give of myself more. So one night at a FOP; a "festival of praise", which is a night of true praise and worship; I decided to go to a prayer team for the very first time with my intention, what Lord are you asking of me? As the prayer team prayed over me one of members received a word. This word was "docile." Docile. Hmmm... "You just want me to be? Lord?" Although I didn't exactly under stand what this mean, I was filled with Joy to seek the Lord further in understanding it and also that I might actually be doing an okay job in my spiritual life. 
I looked it up in the dictionary although I knew what the word meant but for me in my situation, what the Lord wanted from me, I didn't exactly know how it applied to me. My Mac dictionary gave me this definition: it's an adjective meaning "ready to accept control or instruction; submissive." Some synonyms are obedient, dutiful, cooperative, and amenable. What was the Lord asking of me? To CHILL OUT and listen to Him and submit myself to HIS will.
Easier said than done. I knew that the Lord was asking me to be still and let go of trying to control my spiritual life but rather to see how He uses me in daily life. It was hard because in my eyes I felt like I wasn't doing enough for the Lord. Going through the motions gave me a psychological reassurance that I was doing well spiritually however the Lord was asking me to let go of that and I didn't really understand why.
When we went to Rome and Assisi, like I said in a previous post, we were blessed with the opportunity to attend praise and worship at the NAC. When I was there I went to a prayer team of some amazing seminarians, this being only the second time I'd been prayed over by a prayer team before. Before walking to the back of the chapel to the teams I asked the Lord what He wanted me to ask of Him. I felt in my heart that I had been seeking to earn His love and that was why He had asked me to be docile all semester so I could learn that He loves me and I don't earn His love. So I asked the team to pray to the Lord to show me in my heart that the He truly does love me and that I don't earn His love.
This is what the Lord revealed to me through the prayer team; He said, Megan, I delight in you. There is nothing you can do that will make me love you more. There is nothing you can do that will make me love you less. I am Love, I am constant, I do not change. He told me He delights in the ways I love the people around me and gave a few more specific affirmations which matched up with affirmations He'd been giving me through my friends and people in my life. He told me he delighted in my docility. Woah.
God really does love us. It doesn't matter what you've done or do or will do - He will always, always, ALWAYS love you the same. Can you do things that hurt Jesus? Yes. Most certainly. But that is the beauty of His love. He suffered persecution, abandonment, the most excruciating agony in the garden, a terrible imprisonment and trial, and scourging. He was crowned with thorns, He had His garments ripped off His wounded body after His bloody wounds dried onto the cloth covering Him, He carried a cross with the weight of our sins upon it only to be nailed to it and to die on it. Why? Because He loves us! He loves us. We mess up over and over and over again but He it doesn't stop loving us. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow <3

Food for thought: "Docility, according to St. Thomas Aquinas, is related to the virtue of prudence. Specifically, it is that part of prudence that allows us to acquire knowledge through the teaching of another. The Angelic Doctor points out that even the most learned people need to be docile, since no man is completely self-sufficient in matters of prudence. We all stand in great need of being taught by others." "The Virtue of Docility" by Donald Demarco (http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re0657.html)

Go Now You Are Forgiven

(The title of this post is from Dispatch's song, "The General")

Today has been an over all blessed day. It started a little rough - I woke up in a terrible mood from what must have been a frustrating dream, and then I rushed out to nanny for five hours without a cup of joe in hand. Rough life, right? Let's just say I was a lazy nanny today and technology was my friend. Thank you Wii and Apple products. Straight from nannying I had to go to the dentist - which, despite the terrible news that I have to return tomorrow to get rid of some stinkin' cavity (sorry to express my hygiene), turned out to be a pretty good dentist visit. My dentist and I talked about St. Paul's epistles and what we thought about St. Paul. He also paid me a high compliment on my major. (It's changing to Theology so that I can graduate on time.) After the dentist I went with my mom to her weekly Adoration hour. It was such a blessing because I've been yearning to spend time with the Lord in Eucharist Adoration but just haven't. But today I couldn't fight the feeling. (It's always such a blessing when I desire to be with my Lord because let's be honest, those feelings are not always around.) I also had the deepest desire to go to confession because I skipped out last time I was "due for a cleaning." - let's stick with the dentist theme. Not only was I able to go to confession this evening but I was able to go to Mass too with one of my best and oldest friends! Can it get any better than that? 

I went to confession and as I was doing my penance I had a thought - It's really hard to understand God's Mercy. And as I fiddled with that idea and tried to figure it out I realized something amazing. He cleans up our messes. Now hold on to your seats because initially this idea might through you for a loop, but - how humble is the soul who truly accepts God's forgiveness. I say this because, picture this: You've left your dishes for a couple days, and you haven't vacuumed in a while. The Laundry is turning into mount everest and lets face it - you've made a mess. You know its your fault. You made the mess. You let it get dirty and you're responsible - the blame is on you. You would feel terrible if anyone cleaned it up for you right? I mean even the laziest of lazy would feel a little guilty for not cleaning up after themselves. Now, you've made this mess, being completely aware you are responsible - you're at the age of reason, however, your father comes to your messy apartment and cleans it all up, looks you in the eyes and says "I love you," meaning it with his whole heart and he leaves you in peace as he goes on his way. How humbling would it be to just accept that your father did that all out of love. You know he raised you to be responsible and to keep a clean home and maybe you let him down by showing that you didn't do that. But he came in and cleaned up your mess regardless. He did it because he loves you. He knows you did it but he wanted you to have a fresh start and for you to know he loves you. How merciful. Wouldn't that be kind of hard to understand or accept? I think I would be tempted to feel guilty. I'd feel loved, but ashamed of offending my father because I know he raised me better. I'd be tempted to feel guilty for having my mess cleaned up by him who wasn't its reason or cause. But I'd know I was loved because of it and I'd know he loved me beside my failings. It'd take humility for me to truly accept that from my father. To say yes, I've messed up, I haven't lived up to who you desire me to be, and you cleaned up MY mess. 

Well that's confession. We've messed up, we've offended our Father, but he cleans us up. He says I know you did wrong, but its okay, I love you anyways. I will take care of it and it'll be sparkly clean like nothing ever happened. Of course in confession we have to admit we did wrong and apologize whole heartily for it, but we have to allow Christ to take away all of our sins and to believe He has totally forgive us for them. He does not hold them against us but rather he says, "Go in peace, your sins are forgiven."We have to accept God's clean up. 

Think about it this way - Jesus came to save us. He came to Earth as that little baby you see in your manger scene, probably out for this Christmas season, just to give Himself to us and to clean up after us. Remember when Jesus told Saint Peter that He'd be taken and put to death and Peter responded, "Lord, I can't let them do that to you!" and Jesus said, "Get behind me, Satan."? Jesus needs us to accept His sacrifice like He needed Peter to. How humbling is that for Peter - Jesus called Him Satan. Why? Because Peter was trying to keep Jesus from fulfilling the Father's will and when we don't allow Jesus to forgive our sins, we aren't accepting the Father's Mercy, we aren't allowing the Father's will to be done. 

The father wants to clean us. He, the King of creation, - humbly, Himself - came to save us and to put sin to death. He left us with the Sacrament of Confession out of His Mercy - to end to our sins that we make every day. The Father loves us. His will is to love us, for Pete's sake (see what I did there?), He is LOVE. And His will is for us to be holy and clean and pure and therefore His will is to cleanse us from our sins. May His will be done. 

Food for thought: “Tell souls not to place within their own hearts obstacles to My mercy, which so greatly wants to act within them. My mercy works in all those hearts which open their doors to it. Both the sinner and the righteous person have need of My mercy. Conversion, as well as perseverance, is a grace of My mercy.” - 1577 of Saint Faustina's Diary

Food for thought x2 (I couldn't decide on one!): “I have opened my Heart as a living fountain of mercy. Let all souls draw life from it. Let them approach this sea of mercy with great trust. Sinners will attain justification, and the just will be confirmed in good. Whoever places his trust in My mercy will be filled with My divine peace at the hour of death.” - 1520 of Saint Faustina's Diary