I was thinking about that day when I leave my parents house forever and what exactly I would want to take with me. That high school soccer picture tugs at my heart but what would I do with it? A little plastic frame like that won't quite fit my adult interior design. Why does it matter anyway? I have those memories in my mind and that was such a long time ago. It matters because that soccer team was probably my favorite high school memory and it formed me in a lot of ways. These little memories, little keep-sakes might be silly and "you cant take it with you" but those times in our lives make us who we are - who God created us to be. In those little moments God was loving the person we are now because He was helping us get here. Woah.All the little decorations from numerous moments in my life remind me just how incredibly blessed I am for the childhood I had and for these past three years at the Abbey. Did I honestly just pack for college for the very last time? When I move back into my mustard yellow room at the end of my senior year I have absolutely no clue how long I plan to stay. A week? A month? A summer? A year? It's all SO exciting but so...adult!
If you have been a faithful reader of my not-so-consistent blog you will recall I didn't initially plan on going to college. And if you read a little more than my most popular blog post, Fear, Doubt, and Belmont Abbey, you will remember that a huge portion of my testimony is from my freshman year at the Abbey. There is no doubt in my mind that God truly changed my plans from cosmetology school to Belmont Abbey College for a reason, or a few. The struggles I've been through in college - from deep seeded wounds that needed healing, to spiritual ups and downs, to friendship lessons, to paper upon paper upon paper, to heart breaks - have challenged me in the most beautiful ways. They've revealed to me that under all my fallenness there is a woman God created me to be.
There are a couple huge moments in my college years that I wouldn't trade for anything. Of course all the healing of my insecurities and all that goes along with that I wouldn't trade for anything, but also starting this crazy blog. I sit amazed that I thought up some of these things and that the Lord used me to get a little bit of truth out into this often dark and scary world.
I'm also incredibly grateful for my time studying abroad. If anyone is familiar with the Abbey -current day- they will know that studying abroad isn't something people go to the Abbey for. Actually we got rid of our study abroad office while I was in Austria so its not really an option anymore. Praise the Lord for that time I had in Austria. It formed me almost more than anything else did in my college years. The memories and friendships I have from Austria are one of those most important keep-sakes of my life.Totus Tuus. I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity to be stretched further than I ever imagined. I am so thankful for the training I had, the challenge of leading a team, of teaching children from barely four years old to almost eighteen about the Lord, for the amazing team I worked with, and the numerous ways I am beginning to realize it formed me. I am also just amazed that I did that. It takes a Totus Tuus missionary to really understand what a Totus Tuus missionary goes through - I know because I didn't believe how hard it was until I did it.
Not to get all sappy on you but if it wasn't for Belmont Abbey I wouldn't be dating, who I believe is, the man of my dreams. I am terribly grateful for that first diocesan confirmation retreat that I helped out with not only because it opened my eyes to my dream job but also because the weekend kicked of my friendship with my now boyfriend. Jake and I have a crazy story of ups and downs, backs and forth, limbo and praise the Lord since June 7th, the feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus this year, a relationship.
The weekend of the confirmation retreat Jake told me he thought I was really cool (after I did something super odd like sang to myself in a weird voice...classic) and that we should hangout. I proceeded to tell him I couldn't be friends with him because he was graduating in like two months and I didn't want to get attached to any of the seniors - I'd miss them too much. He told me that was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard and then he came over to my room almost every night until the end of the semester when timing for us just wasn't right.
Jake moved to Alaska to be a youth minister when I was studying abroad in Austria and being away from everything we knew brought us back together and a genuine friendship truly blossomed between us. We continued to grow as best friends when I got back to the Abbey until we realized we had feelings for one another again but should probably not try to start anything considering the distance between North Carolina and Alaska (Ha!). So about a week later, Ash Wednesday, I told Jake I wasn't going to talk to him during Lent. To my surprise I ruined poor Jake's plans to ask me, the very next day - valentines day, to be his girlfriend. It was a tough month and a half but the Lord did amazing things in my heart that were completely not what I had planned. When Jake and I started talking again he was pretty peeved I abandoned him for 40+ days but I was totally convinced he was the one for me. I gushed all my feelings on him in total honesty leaving him pretty pissed off and terribly confused. Life was ...interesting for about two or so months until Jake came to visit a day before I left for Totus Tuus training. We hung out with our friends Patrick and Christina and witnessed their beautiful and holy relationship which really opened Jake's eyes to what he really wanted in life and a relationship. A week later I received a phone call from Jake and heard the most beautiful words anyone has ever said to me. A week or so after that Jake asked me to be his princess and the rest is history. Who knows what God has planned for us but I am so grateful God called me to Belmont Abbey and led me to that confirmation retreat, ...and Austria and Totus Tuus, because he has blessed me with the most amazing boyfriend I think I could have ever imagined. All those little chapters in my life brought us to this beautiful relationship we now have.So who knows where I'll be in my life when I move back home. Who knows what God has planned for me this senior year. I am terribly excited to have a blast with my Abbey friends, to go through senior year challenges, to grow closer to the Lord in the beautiful Adoration chapel across from my dorm, and to grow more in love with Jacob Coffman. So many changes have been made in my life these past three years and all I can do is praise God for the life He has blessed me with thus far.
Heres my food for thought:
