Living Totus Tuus

This morning my incredible Totus Tuus team and I kicked off our 5th parish of our summer, rolling into our 9th week of mission work. It's been one crazy experience for sure, filled with numerous blessings and challenges alike. A day in the life is never like the one previous and it is always packed to the brim with high energy, love-giving chaos. It's a 15 hour work day, 8 days a week - to say the least. But as my team and I were praying our morning Rosary together one this fine day I began to truly meditate on the mysteries, which so happened to be the same ones we have been teaching all summer; the Joyful mysteries.
Totus Tuus is a catechetical programmed and its name is appropriate. As missionaries for the Catholic Church we strive to live in Blessed John Paul II's motto, "Totus Tuus" which means "totally yours". JPII lived and called for Catholics to live in the spirit of Totus Tuus, giving yourself totally to Christ through the hands of His blessed mother, Mary. As I meditated upon the five mysteries I thought how the program truly enables us missionaries to do so. We teach the kids the very first class of the week that our lady said "yes" to God and this is called her Fiat. She said yes to what our lord was calling her to, although she did not understand exactly how such a miracle could happen, why she was chosen, and what exactly God had in store for her.
It made me think about my call to be a Totus Tuus missionary. I knew I was being called and I gave my fiat but man, was I clueless as to just what God had in store for me this summer! Everyday I wake up and say yes to being a missionary and surrender to God's Divine will. It's not an easy call. I'm constantly being challenged to grow in humility and charity, not to mention patience. Even with a schedule I'm never quite sure how a day is going to turn out and even at this point in the summer I don't exactly know why God called me to serve His church in this way.
The second joyful mystery, the Visitation. In this mystery Mary visits Elizabeth and both women share their gifts from God. Whats always been astounding to me is John the Baptist leaps in Elizabeth's womb at the coming of The Lord! My first thought which related me to this scenario was training. A bunch of missionaries get together and leap for joy at their excitement to bring Christ to others. We're like a bunch of John the baptists who are filled with joy of Christ, excited to share Him with others. And as missionaries we constantly go from parish to parish bringing Christ to others like Mary brought Him not only to John and Elizabeth but to the world! We share our gifts from the all good Lord with others like the cousins shared with one another.
The third Joyful mystery, the Birth of Our Lord, the Nativity. It might be six months until Christmas but I still found I could relate to this mystery as a Totus Tuus missionary. Christ came into the world humbly, as a child, an infant, in poverty. So too He comes to us humbly, in the form of bread and wine every day at Mass. He calls each of us, lowly as shepherds, to behold him. He makes himself vulnerable for us, like he did as a baby, His presence in the holy Eucharist is an outstanding mystery that is constantly misunderstood and even disrespected. Everyday at Totus Tuus we bring the little children to Mass and with them I get to share in that Eucharist and behold the true presence of God. I am reminded of God's perfect humility and everlasting love for us.
The fourth Joyful mystery, the Presentation in the Temple. "Who am I that I should be the mother of God?" were the (paraphrased...) words of Our Lady at the Annunciation. Her great humility is pronounced in her words and in the words of her Magnificat. Mary, although untouched by sin, is a human woman and she gave birth to our Lord and Savior. In obedience to the law she and Joseph presented the Christ child at the Jewish temple. I often am in awe at such an act because her child is God but she still presented Him. Mary must have experienced her humility at that presentation and said to herself, who am I to present God in His house? So too I constantly am humbled at my role as a missionary. Who am I to bring Christ to this parish? To teach these kids about Jesus Christ? I myself am on this journey and a student. But I obey the call of my King and allow His will to be done as best I can. Now - not only did Mary and Joseph present Jesus at the temple but Simeon phrophesied to Mary that she would undergo immense suffering; her heart would be pierced with a sword. And Mary still said "yes"! Mary loved The Lord more than anyone and was the closest too Him anyone has ever been. When Jesus suffered His passion and death she was there and her heart suffered with him - the worst suffering. Now I certainly don't share in that suffering quite enough because my sorrow at Christ passion is not remotely close to our Lady's but I share in it by uniting my suffering to Christ's passion - the suffering I experience in answering the call to be a missionary when I know it's hard and it hurts and I'm exhausted and have to keep going with no rest in sight. This mystery reminds me to imitate Mary by still saying yes to God even when all I want to do is give up because I have reached the end of my rope. Seeing Mary's example of such a perfect yes to God makes me run to her in prayer to intercede for me when I feel like I can no longer go on.
The fifth Joyful mystery, the Finding of the Child Jesus in the Temple. Mary lost God. Oops. That is a pretty serious mishap when you think about it but there is so much more than that. How often do I lose God? How often do I lose sight of saying yes to His will and I follow my own, seeking only my will to be done? How often do I turn to God in prayer and feel nothing? How often do I wake up and say yes to my mission and serving God and feel no joy or hope or love or simply don't choose joy, hope, and love? All the time. All the time. I lose God all the time. And just like when Mary and Joseph did not understand Jesus when he said, "didn't you know I was in my fathers house?" I often don't understand why I don't feel God or why serving Him is so hard, some days much more than others. But Mary trusted her son and continued to say yes. As should I continue to trust God in my life, having faith that He has a plan and keep going.
These are just some points of mediation I came across in my daily rosary this morning. I pray that Our Lady continues to interdeed for Totus Tuus and that I can strive to more fully give my life to her son through her hands. I pray that our lady may continue to show me the way to her son and the way to live my life in love and service of our heavenly King.

Totus tuus Maria! Mary, I am yours and all that I have is yours.