Lent.

What a solemn time. Here we stand 28 days into Lent and I'm lazy. Don't get me wrong - I love Lent. Yep, I'm one of those Catholics who is actually excited about suffering for 40 days. Well, its not so much going through the pain that I enjoy but the hope that fills Lent. My Lent began rather joyfully, aside from Ash Wednesday on account of my ignorant fears because of my lack of trust in God. But I was excited about the challenges I decided to do after some prayerful discernment. I was hopeful that the Lord would draw me closer to Him and build me into a stronger, holier woman. But...I kind of had this one idea of what the "results" looked like and now having 12 days of Lent left I'm reminded of Christ's words to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane, "Not my will but Your's be done." 

As I began to despair a bit this week and grew lazy in my lenten sacrifices I became afraid. I was afraid this Lent was a flop and I was a terribly weak and self-centered woman who would revert back to her old ways having gained nothing from these past 40 days. I thought I'd end up thinking, "What a waste of 40 days of sacrificing." But you see thats not it - its not it at all. Heck ya, I'm a weak and self-centered woman and I probably always will be. I'll just hopefully be less and less as I grow closer to Christ. There is no reason to grow afraid and despair though. 

I brought my concerns to the Lord and Our Lady in prayer and I remembered, first of all, that the Lord loves me even though I mess up all the time. Then I remembered that his promises and his mercy never fails. I made these resolutions for this liturgical season in the hope that I could more faithfully follow His will for me. I asked Him to lead me and I gave him these sacrifices hoping that He'd make something beautiful out of me. Why should I fear?

I realized that the Lord will not fail me and that His plan is most likely not my own. My human mind cannot contain the plans he has for me. As I was contemplating that truth I thought what if Jesus is asking me, "Do you not believe that I have a plan for you? 'A plan to proser you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future' (Jeremiah 29:11)." I felt that the Lord was asking me to stop focusing on the end results that I wanted out of Lent as if it was some 40 day diet and to remain strong in the present moment; to just wait and see what He has planned. And He asks, "believe me, Megan, try to believe that I have a plan for you that I made for you out of my undying love for you." 
So heres to the last 12 days of Lent. Remain strong in the present moment. Hope in the future that you do not know nor are able to comprehend. Believe that He loves you and keeps His promises. 

Food for Thought:
"They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar as with eagles’ wings; They will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint" (Isaiah 40:28-31).